Nobody likes a smart-ass. But that's nothing compared to the collective hatred our nation has for people who strive for perfection, and actually seem to have a chance to achieve it. Which is why we as a nation have each baked (from scratch) a nice, hot, humble pie, topped it with shadenfreude, and flung it squarely into the face that launched a thousand inferiority complexes. For we know full well that Martha Stewart can't possibly duck and weave forever.

The most revealing aspect of Martha Stewart's current situation is the utter lack of shock from the American public. Even though there was no outward sign of larceny to been seen anywhere in the public face of the Martha media empire, a revelation that should have come from out of left field seems to have surprised almost no one. In fact, we're eating it up. As a nation we seem to be all shouting, "We knew it all along! We're not jealous!" It's pretty obvious where all this bad blood comes from; Martha herself. The way she seems to do everything perfectly and easily, insisting that her way is the right way -- this is what drives everyone else mad with rage.

The equation is simple: Martha does X. I do Y. Martha's way is right. I do not do it Martha's way, so therefore, the way I do it is wrong. This implied insult seeps out of every pore of Martha Stewart's public image. And with this insider trading scandal, we finally have proof that she's no better than us. After all, we're not crooks right? Actually, that brings up an interesting point. If we look at Martha Stewart's current legal trouble in a larger context, we see that she is a part of a larger problem involving recent exposure of the sins of the business world.

Sure, most Americans are concerned about this, but other countries see it a little differently. Will Hutton, (as printed in the British newspaper, "The Guardian") for example thinks that, "The US faces a grave economic crisis." He's not alone in that opinion. Certainly, people of European nations (with whom we are currently fighting a trade war) are enjoying the fact that several apparently successful American corporations, were actually lying their stocks off about profits and expenses. (But don't talk about Vivendi. That's not funny.) They looked at our economy, convinced that we were doing it totally wrong. We patiently explained to them that we actually were doing everything right. Sure we were selfish, and more than a little smug about the whole thing; but what really pissed them off was that American companies kept making money. The longer we were successful, the more they were convinced that we would fall flat on our faces. Now after a few U.S. firms own up to (or get caught) stealing, a unified European market place shouts in unison, "We knew it all along! We're not jealous!"

Whether or not they turn out to be right about every American company lying about it's profits, only time will tell. But if you hear some foreigner slag Martha Stewart, don't take it lying down. Americans are supposed to stick together after all.

Unless she sells us out to the French.

-B. C. Silvia