Nobody has ever accused television of being pretentious. Sure, many have questioned its effects on its audience, its place in society, and its overall value, but nobody's ever claimed that it promotes an overly intellectual agenda. People's standards are much to low for that kind of talk.

Like all pop-culture, television uses its own stupidity as its best defense. Any successful stand-up comedian knows that the best way to ward off hecklers is to make fun of his own faults before anyone else can, and that's a strategy that television has embraced with a zeal usually seen in reality show cast members' efforts to jump on top of each other. "It may not be art," television seems to say, "But we give the public what it wants: Entertainment."

As the philosopher/warrior Maximus once asked, "Are you not entertained?" Spin the dial at any given moment of the day and nine times out of ten, the answer to that question is usually, "No." Aside from the repugnance of the industry's attempt to blame the audience they claim to serve for the quality of television programming, it's somewhat disturbing to realize that even this lame defense is a blatant lie. Who gives a crap about entertainment when there's money to be made? No show on television illustrates this fact better than American Idol.

Part music showcase, part talent contest, the whole concept feels a lot like some kind of refugee from a long gone era. One imagines that the original producers of Star Search have been kicking themselves since the show's debut for not filming the countless auditions they must have endured. Idol's other spiritual television progenitor is obviously The Gong Show. The innovation was to include all of the lame acts in final cut while simultaneously raising the stakes far beyond a lousy $712.05. (Then again, considering the contract they have to sign, the winning singers are probably lucky if they see that much money.)

American Idol is not art. Nor is it entertaining. It is however, immensely profitable. But those profits should not be taken as evidence that an audience has been entertained -- not by a long shot. We have one man to thank for putting paid to that foolish notion: William Hung.

Think back to the spate of interviews conducted with the various American Idol judges shortly after it was announced that Mr. Hung had gotten a record deal. They all sounded very confused, but Simon Cowell was particularly dumbfounded. This is a man who justifies his catty remarks by claiming that he has an eye for spotting future hit-makers, and up to now, has had a track record to back up that assertion. But, his failure to predict the sudden rise of Hung's career shows an utter lack of perception with regard to the kind of shit America is willing to spend money on. If Cowell had any chops at all, he'd have recognized the incipient popularity of a man who is, basically, a walking, talking, cross between a human being and a Big Mouth Billy Bass.

The unforeseen success of William Hung is proof that American Idol (and, by extension, all of television) is incapable of doing what it claims that it's doing. In fact, the last people whose judgment we should trust when it comes to selecting entertainment are television executives. They don't know what we want, but they do know this: Advertising works. So they spend millions of dollars promoting whatever crap they managed to slap together. American Idol exemplifies this: The only reason the show works is because it tirelessly hypes itself and its products, leaving us all engrossed – but unentertained and empty inside.

What it comes down to is this: Television doesn't entertain; it bamboozles. It's a joke to claim that they're giving us what we all want because, quite frankly, they can't -- thanks to the damn FCC. If it wasn't for federal regulation, there'd be only two channels: PBS on one and pornography on the other. With all of the money they have at their disposal, they could sell us anything they want. They have made a choice to sell us crap. As the philosopher/warrior "The Amazing Johnathan" might say, "It's a trick."

-B. C. Silvia
-5/26/2004