Was there some sort of football game on today?
A friend and I went out to breakfast last weekend. This might sound like fun, (and it was, for the most part) but leisurely breakfasts in restaurants are often the venue of a deep, personal weakness of mine: Pancakes.
When a plate of pancakes are put in front of me, I can’t not finish them. I don’t know why — I’ve abandoned other meals, why should pancakes be any different? Something about them represents a challenge, perhaps. Or, maybe it has something to do with the fact that you can’t take them home in a doggy-bag, because leftover, unfinished pancakes are disgusting.
This shit is going to kill me, eventually. It’s certainly not doing much for my social relationships, because nothing ruins a good time at breakfast quite like witnessing a man’s grueling struggle against a quick bread. I almost always manage to pack away the last few bites — but at what cost? The end result is a grim thing to witness. Also, bloating.
Of all the things to approach with grit and determination, pancakes are probably the stupidest. And yet, no matter how many times I tell myself, “next time I’ll just get some eggs,” I always blow it.
Maybe I need to take baby steps; perhaps I should just switch to waffles, at first.
Hey former teenagers, do you remember when you were totally into music? I do. It feels like my chest is full of hot burning coals of shame when I think back on those days, but I can’t stop the remembering.
Junior high is when people started asking what kind of music I liked. I said I didn’t know, which was the Wrong Answer. The right answer would have been either “rap” or “rock”, a sign of a cultural sore point that had developed in the face of hip-hop’s rise to the forefront of the popular consciousness. What could I say? I liked Weird Al, and all the stuff they played on America’s Top 40. I was twelve, for god’s sake.
That experience might have had something to do with my approach to music later in life, because I grew to hate the question. I hated the way it reduced the world to two broad categories. I hated the fact that it was not a question about taste, but a demand that one produce one’s cultural bona fides. I hated the racial implications of the question, couching it as an irreconcilable opposition.
A year later though, I started getting into a couple of metal bands, and I figured that was as good a genre as any to admit to enjoying. I was feeling beaten down, and I was willing to settle into an easy answer that I could give people. Then came that one magical detention, when the teacher I was stuck with decided to play Yaz’s Upstairs at Eric’s on his shitty little boombox.
Well, that was it. I learned it really is okay to pick and choose, that allegiance to categories is an obstacle to happiness. (Or deep depression – I got into The Smiths, at some point.) Unfortunately I got a bit carried away, enjoying the obscure chiefly for its unpopularity, the esoteric mostly for its inaccessibility.
I’ve gotten over that, thankfully. I’m beyond my irrational fear of the quotidian, which is good, but I’ve also lost much of my passion, which is probably not. I do remain mostly unapologetic about the music I like, a sometimes useful hold-over from the old snobby days.
That said, I’d be quite embarrassed if somebody were ever to get a hold of my iPod. If you clicked on the video at the top of this post, you might have an inkling as to why.
So, that new iPad thing — wait! Don’t go! I promise that this will be the last iPad post I’ll write for a good long while, okay?
I have to admit, I’m a bit cool on Apple’s new wundertoy. And yet, I’m still looking forward to its launch because of the inevitable cavalcade of followers it’s bound to inspire. The serious contenders, the cheap knock-offs, the cynical attempts to cash-in – I can’t wait to see what people will come up with.
The main complaints that people seem to have about the iPad is that it might fall between two stools: It may be too big and clunky when compared to an iPhone, while also being not quite useful enough to supplant the netbook. Be that as it may, the fact that Apple is basically telling all the little consumers out there that tablets are a viable form-factor means that we’ll likely see more people embrace it. And that gets all the other hardware manufacturers dreaming of all the money they could be making selling their own tablets. (And a lot of hardware makers have such devices on the market, already.)
Which is a good thing, because the other big complaint about the iPad is the closed-off, proprietary nature of its software, which allows it to be elegant – but also makes it the best device yet for nickel and diming consumers to death, constantly dunning them for new apps, new content.
It’s a good thing that there’s going to be wave after wave of non-Apple clones of this thing, because at least a few of them will be so, so hackable. The word will get out about which ones are better than others, hobbyists will start cranking out code, prices will slowly start to fall, and then – maybe – it will happen. That dream shared by millions of geeks the world over, might actually come true.
I am referring, of course, to the mass adoption of hand-held, truly general purpose computing. In computer science, general purpose computing is strictly defined as any computer that can follow arbitrary, programmed instructions. (Technically, the iPhone is a general purpose computer, from that point of view.) However, while the chips in an iPhone might be capable of just about anything, the restrictions placed on it by its creators hamper its potential, and betray the spirit of General Purpose.
The iPad is yet another instance of Apple’s dictatorial approach to information technology. This has its advantages, and can lead to some incredibly elegant and reliable products. But, the iPad — its software will be closely monitored, and expanding its capabilities will be costly to the end-user, and ultimately, it still may not do all the things you want, the way you want. We might accept this for a mobile phone (the major carriers and phone manufacturers have trained us not to expect much), but the iPad is half computer; and maybe that’s too much like a computer for us to stand for that sort of thing.
Cheaper, more open knock-offs are bound to emerge. They may never be as popular as the iPad, nor will they ever be as cool, or as easy to use. But any company hoping to seriously compete (or siphon-off the people who can’t afford the “real deal”) will try their damnedest to build open, high-quality machines to face-off against Apple’s new marvel. True wide-spread, hand-held, general purpose computing might actually arise.
And so, the iPad really could change how we think about and use computers.
And it will be all Apple’s fault.
Recluse, writer, and hero to teens who are just no figuring out that the world is a vortex of suck, JD Salinger has passed away. Jeez – is it still 2009, or something?