We haven’t said anything about the Ellen/Iggy fiasco because, frankly, we don’t give a shit; also, we have nothing to add. Yes, we know: celebrities are spoiled, and some animal people are crazy, and nobody’s learned anything from all this nonsense. Except, according to Greg Beato, DeGeneres may have stumbled upon a new, emulatable tactic that other celebs can use to get their own way.

If you’re an ordinary person and you post a teary, ludicrously over-the-top tirade lamenting the tiny wrongs that have been done to you on YouTube, expect indifference and abuse from semi-literate 13-year-olds. If you’re famous, it’s a much different story, sort of like the Bat-Signal in reverse. Within hours, all of Gotham City will be volunteering to help you vanquish your enemies. It’s the best thing to happen to stardom since the invention of photo retouching.

So now, with only a teary monologue and a video camera, just about any celebrity can launch a host of mis-spelled email death-threats at anyone that crosses them. Couple that with the rise of the celebrity-defending YouTube famewhore and, well, you start to worry about society. Are we a nation of neglected children, bent on seeking approval from the unapproachable objects of our adoration? Listen, no matter how much you love your favorite celebrities, they will never love you back.