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Archive for April, 2009

An Expensive Habit

Thursday, April 30th, 2009

The Internet has never been about any one particular thing. However, people who nevertheless insist on making that joke generally go straight for the crotch by suggesting that the Internet is not much more than a support group for formerly isolated fetishists who, instead of being wracked with alienating shame over their unique perversities, now happily trade emoticons with other people in forums who share their mutual interest in chicken butts or whatever.

But fair do’s to those neo-puritans out there, who finally found that the one thing in the world that could offend them greatly enough to learn HTML was a few harmless perverts talking amongst themselves: Because they’re right, in a way. How else can we explain the proliferation of “unboxing” videos on the Internet? Feel free to click on that last link, by the way, because we’ve slipped past all the dirty talk into the boring obviousness in which I generally excel. At least, that link was safe for work, last I checked.

The definition of unboxing is simple enough: It’s merely the documentation, in video or photo slideshow form, of the act of removing a new gadget from its box. (No, no, it only sounds dirty.) Basically what you’ve got is some guy or gal (mostly guys, for some reason) rather matter-of-factly opening up a new toy, displaying the components, and describing what it is their viewers are already looking at on the screen. Simple, no? Well, yes.

Why anyone would watch this sort of thing is beyond a lot of people (so I’ve been told); it all seems so dull, perhaps. The simple act of taking a product out of a box is yawn-making to many. Thing is, I rather enjoy it. Because, as I learned long ago, that moment when you prize a new gadget from its packaging is one of the greatest feelings in the world. All right, there may be better thrills out there. But it’s pretty good.

I’m a giant idiot, so take this with a grain of salt: But I really do get a kick out of opening a new gadget. Probably because it’s usually the last time I’ll ever see that box or the instruction manual again, but honestly, I can’t describe or explain the feeling adequately. Perhaps it’s some super-weird late-capitalist contact high. Or all the PCB’s. And no, it’s not sexual (though some people have a problem distinguishing between sex and tech, but they’ve got G4 to distract them, so they don’t usually bother anyone). It’s kind of like getting that perfect present for Christmas or your birthday. It’s just what I wanted! Because I bought it for myself!

It is best, of course, to try to avoid getting addicted to that feeling. Because, man, that’s a pricy addiction, let me tell you. It’s not cocaine or cigarette expensive, but it’s up there.

The thing is, I never really thought about whether or not other people got the same kick that I did. Nor was it anything I was ashamed of – what, do other people unbox their new gear in dark rooms with tears in their eyes, and somber music playing on the stereo? And maybe it’s childish to enjoy the process, but I’ve got a TARDIS moneybox sitting on my desk right now – that ship has sailed, safe to say.

Of course, seeing these videos of other people unboxing things has catapulted me from a single non-neurotic behavior into full-blown worry that I might be like those people on the Internet. Which then just as quickly transformed into relief that, well, I may not be alone.

At least, I used to not be alone. I had to kick the habit a couple of years back. I feel much better now.

| April 30th, 2009 | by BCSilvia | Categories: Science & Technology, The Internet Will Shame You | Tags: , | Trackback | No Comments »



Let’s Check the Lexinomicon

Wednesday, April 29th, 2009

So, yesterday CJR blogger Merrill Perlman posted on the seemingly contradictory uses to which the word “arguably” has been put. Does the word mean “without a doubt” or “it is debatable”? In the end, it is declared too confusing a word to deploy, and should be replaced with something that more accurately reflects the intention of the writer. We have a more sinister theory: people who use the word “arguably” to mean “inarguably” are the same people who tacked the extra ir- on to irregardless.

But there are larger, deeper, dimmer questions that still need to be resolved. For, just as journalists have their own esoteric, highly specialized language, so too does the common man. It’s called cliché. And, just as journalists require stylebooks and editors to settle questions of doctrine, us common folk should could use something like that as well. Sometimes.

I’m no precriptionist, preferring (or at least resigned) that instead language be allowed to flower and twist as its speakers see fit, in a naturalistic way. But man, sometimes it gets confusing. Take this conversation, for example:

A: I hate to admit it, but chocolate is my kryptonite.

B: You mean that chocolate is green rocks that make you so sick that your only option is to crawl away from them a quickly as your weakened body will allow, until you achieve a safe distance from their baleful influence?

A: Uh, no, I mean that it’s my one weakness.

B: Oh, sorry.

See, both interpretations make sense. A is correct in the broadest possible way, but B is correct if one cares to examine the premise with any depth. Because obviously A has lots of weaknesses, like careless speech, for one thing. If we look into the original comic book’s context, anything described as kryptonite would indicate something that sickened and repulsed us, not some guilty pleasure we are powerless to restrain ourselves from engaging in. And yet, isn’t that lack of moral fiber a weakness? And, isn’t kryptonite? So on the surface it makes sense.

I’m afraid I don’t know the answer to this one (or… anything, really). See? This is why I never listen to people!

| April 29th, 2009 | by BCSilvia | Categories: Books & Literature, Humor, Miscellaneous | Tags: , | Trackback | No Comments »



Delayed Snap Judgment: Sit Down, Shut Up

Tuesday, April 28th, 2009

Like a lot of nerds, I regularly watch Fox’s Sunday-night animation line-up. This means that I have been exposed to the new series Sit Down, Shut Up on two occasions now. I didn’t want to make a decision about it after the first episode, since pilots are not always the best way to judge television shows, but after seeing the second episode … uh, well ….

Maybe I’m starting to turn into a sentimental fool as I get older, as soft as a rotten peach, but man this show is heartless. All the characters spend the entire show getting their asses kicked, and then it all dribbles to a grim ending. So the lesson is learned: Life is a pointless, humiliating journey through a meat grinder and then we all die. Bravo.

Okay, I know that this is the kind of criticism (or, petty sniping if you prefer) that could be leveled at anything from, say, 90% of all independent films or 99.9% of reality television, but hang on a second because I do have a point.

See, there is a place for dour explications on the pointless misery of the human experience. There are probably people out there without the slightest twinge of existential angst, and they might want to sample a little bit of how the other half lives. Or, perhaps they might want to look upon these strange creatures who are cursed with the knowledge that, even if all lives are ultimately pointless, it is still better to have a meaningless existence of unearned pleasure and luxury than one of struggle and abasement in the thrall of amoral forces they cannot begin to understand, and, after observing, the fortunate can bask in the warmth of complacency and lack of regret.

But then, Sit Down, Shut Up is ostensibly a comedy. And there are rules for constructing a cruel comedy. It might seem like it’s a good idea to just make everybody a hateful pile of crap, but it’s a blind alley, comedically. See, you’ve got to have at least one person who projects a genuinely good spirit. Someone that anybody would care for, who deserves to be empathized with and –dare I say it – liked. And then you’ve got to crush that person as violently and repeatedly as possible.

Do you know why Harry Potter, Annie, and The Rescuers aren’t comedies? Because those little girls escaped from their dire, miserable existences. Imagine how much funnier those movies would be if the leads spent the rest of their films being wailed on by their torments, starved, and kept out of the sunlight until they developed crippling vitamin deficiencies. Comedy gold, folks.

I suppose that Jason Bateman’s character is supposed to be the one who we’re supposed to like and whose humiliation we laugh at, but I don’t know – he’s pretty hateful, if you ask me. Judgmental, shallow, manipulative; these characteristics do not strike me as belonging to a person who doesn’t deserve to be shat on by a cruel universal will that hates all human life. How is that supposed to be funny?

| April 28th, 2009 | by BCSilvia | Categories: Entertainment, Snap Judgement | Tags: , | Trackback | No Comments »



Isle of the Dot Eaters

Monday, April 27th, 2009

One of the difficult things about getting older is learning how to deal with people whose views of the world are wildly different than your own. For example, I’ve got a head full of Gimme a Break and One Day at a Time  references, all poised and ready to go should the situation warrant — but nobody under the age of thirty will understand them, no matter how apropos they might be to the given situation. When someone I know bursts into my house unannounced, I’m prepared to greet them with a witty, “Whoa, hold on a minute there, Schneider!” which is something that young folks will find completely baffling. 

I have the same problem in communicating with younger gamers. I’ve got lots of younger cousins and nieces who play games, who also have no idea what their hobby was like back in the eighties. This is a population to whom the NES was not a revolutionary gaming platform, or an object of juvinile obsession; they think it’s ugly and tedious. I don’t even want to think about how they’d feel if they were to encounter an Atari 2600. They’d probably start bleeding from their eyes.

But so what? Does it really matter if they can’t be bothered to consider the stunning innovation of games like Super Mario Bros. or the first Legend of Zelda? Old folks always seem to despair at the thought that the kids of today seem unable to appreciate the classics — but we’re not talking about Shakespere or the Great Gatsby, here. I mean, they’re just video games, after all.

I’m not going to get into the debate over whether or not video games could be considered art; for one thing, I don’t find it all that interesting a topic, and second (feel free to profoundly disagree with me, here) I don’t believe that it would make one practical bit of difference if games wound up being considered artistic endevors. But games have certainly changed over the years, and I wonder if knowing exactly how that happened would influence how young people thought and spoke about them. 

When Roger Ebert wrote that games could never acheive the same artistic value of books or movies, I yawned and expected that not many people would be bothered by this statement. Who cares? I thought. So I was pretty shocked to see some of the most eloquant and spirited defenses of games as art spring up in response. I also thought that most of them, in the end, were pretty pointless. Why attempt to convince the old guard of the value of games as artistic works? Eventually, they’ll all be gone, and the world will be under the control of people whose aesthetic sense included video games in the canon. Give it time, folks, and all will come to pass as you have foreseen it.

What I failed to remember, however, is just how defensive gamers can be about their hobby. When Ebert decried the lack of artistic merit in video games, I think most people looked right through the points he was making on the issue, and simply saw another attack on their beloved pastime. Which might have been justified: We’ve been through this sort of thing before. In fact, video games have been the target of hysterical proclamations of impending doom since the dawn of Pong. Older gamers know what I’m talking about, and I think that younger gamers — without even knowing the specifics — tend to pick up on that long-calcified defensiveness. 

While the debate over violent video games seems only to reach back as far as the first Mortal Kombat, that argument is only a recent permutation of the attack on gaming that’s gone on since the late seventies. Games like Space Invaders, Pac-Man, or Donkey Kong might seem like harmless diversions (or boring antiquities, if you’re a younger gamer), but to some parents back then they represented a dangerous new influence, one that turned their bright young children into quarter-begging junkies.

No, seriously; video games were considered a threat on par with drug addiction, at one time. It was an idea with enough traction to make it worthy of parody. Many people are now far too young to remember the sober news reports featuring sallow, junkie-looking arcade inhabitants, speaking the kind of language not altogether different than the one used by people who try to justify their excessive pot-smoking habits. It’s the same old addiction-story format that they use today: a once promising young person gets hooked on the stuff, and now they’ve become surly, messy, and — what’s worse — their grades begin to suffer.

Many of us, of a certain age, might have gone to school with kids whose parents forbid them from ever entering an arcade, or putting a quarter in one of the many games that invaded pizza parlors, laundrymats, and gas stations. A common threat in those days was that video games would rot one’s brain. (An insult that’s been hurled at everything from comic books, to television, to soda pop, and so on.) Electronic games could be relied on to: make you stupid; to hurt your school work; to interfere with your Christian beliefs; to draw you into addiction; to take all of your money; to isolate you from human contact; to put you into contact with unsavory types; to turn you into a superviolent zombie; to lead to actual drug abuse; to grow hair on your palms. (Okay, I made that last one up.)

And this was all during a time when Galaga was the height of videogame technology! It’s hard to imagine now, but back then it was very creepy for a lot of adults to look into an arcade and see dozens of young people staring slack-jawed into a screen, hands and thumbs twitching away, enthralled by something they saw as a confusing waste of time. Like rock and roll or cartoons, it seemed to engender an ancient, 1950′s era concern that the kids of today were being “over-stimulated”, thus making them uncontrollable.

Then again, it’s probably for the best that kids today have no idea — or don’t even care —  just how despised their hobby was, back in the day. Like skateboards and punk music, video games were the purview of the young. Now, video gamers are getting older as a demographic, and gaming is something that’s almost respectable for grown ups to do, assuming that they’re not ignoring their babies whilst in the midst of a World of Warcraft addiction. 

The kids of the future will get to have something that my generation lacked when we were growing up: acceptance of their hobby of choice. Because, generally speaking, anything that young people do that grown-ups do not tends to be criminalized. Their freedom to game is assured by old fogies like myself who write letters to state legislators and congress-people asking them to reject restrictions to video gaming. Because, you see, we’ve been through all of that before. And now that we’re older, politically aware, and have become respectable, home-owning tax-payers, we’re defending their pastime because it’s our pastime as well. You’re welcome.

Now, if only we can get grown-ups to start riding skateboards….

| April 27th, 2009 | by BCSilvia | Categories: Entertainment, Games, Pop Culture | Tags: | Trackback | No Comments »



Game Boy A Go-Go

Saturday, April 25th, 2009

Last week gaming website 1up.com celebrated the 20th anniversary of Nintendo’s famous, blurry portable, the Game Boy. Swept up in the love, I can’t help but add my own observations to the discussion. Would it be trite to mention that the Game Boy revolutionized portable gaming? Yes, very. But I’ll risk it, as it’s still an apt statement — the influence of the system cannot be denied.

Revolutionary as it was though, it didn’t emerge from a vacuum. Most gaming historians will be happy to point out to anyone willing to listen (or unable to flee) that the Game Boy emerged from Nintendo’s own previous line of handheld gaming systems: the Game and Watch series. There’s an obvious connection, of course. They were both developed by Nintendo, both were based around monochrome LCD screens, both featured a mix of remakes of popular triple-A titles and original software, and both were the premier solutions for gamers who wanted to play on the go.

Of course, there were plenty of other manufacturers turning out handheld electronic games. Unlike the original Game Boy’s era, where it seemed that Nintendo had the cartridge-based portable market pretty much all to themselves, Game and Watch shared the space with a large number of competing products. It makes sense that this would be the case when you consider that each handheld was dedicated to playing a single game. If a player wanted access to new content, he or she would have to buy a whole new separate device; there were no incentives for loyalty. Portable gamers on the make could buy a Nintendo product one week and (assuming they had a kick-ass allowance) a Tiger Electronics game the next.

(The competition was great for consumers. Advancements in pricing, quality, and battery life no doubt resulted from the constant battle for the easily-bored-on-long-car-trips demographic. It’s little wonder then why, once it quickly became clear that the Game Boy completely owned its market-segment, the device remained basically unchanged for seven years after its initial release. Of course, once Nintendo realized that consumers were willing to buy what was essentially the same hardware over and over again, with only slight improvements in each iteration, the changes proceeded apace.)

In itself, the rise of handheld gaming (prior to the Game Boy) was built partly on the backs of addicts. The widespread proliferation of arcade and home videogame systems led to the birth of a population that seemed to require constant electronic stimulation. (Watch the movie Tron for the scene where Flynn, whilst talking to his buddies fresh after a bout of arcade gaming, reflexively reaches for Coleco’s Electronic Quarterback, in kind of the same way that somebody might reach for a cigarette.) But you’ve got to leave the arcade sometime, and unhooking and re-hooking up your Atari every time you left the house was quite a pain in the ass. These little pre-Game Boy handhelds were like a junkie’s bottle of cough syrup. Not ideal, but it kept the shakes away until you could score. But the larger market was nowhere near as besotted with videogames as those poor souls, though they were probably just as pathetic. They were people who cannot tolerate boredom. And by that I mean, of course, kids.

And that’s why my original assertion (that the Game Boy revolutionized handheld gaming) isn’t just trite; it misses the point completely. Because it wasn’t just a watershed moment for gaming – it was a sea change for portable entertainment altogether. It didn’t just compete with single-purpose LCD games. It competed with everything. And it redefined what it meant for something to be portable.

Allow me to illustrate this with an anecdote (because I’ve given my statisticians and research staff the day off, and this is the best I can manage). When I was a kid, I lived about an hour’s drive from my grandparents’ house. We used to visit them every weekend for dinner. Now most people have longer commutes than that, but as anyone who used to be a child knows, an hour was an interminable stretch when spent in the back seat of a hot car. Whether it was my habit of constantly losing things, or my parents’ stated goal of not letting me “shit up the car”, or some other rationale, I was only ever allowed to bring one thing with me on these trips.

So, to pass the time I could bring one G.I. Joe; or one book; or one Transformer; or one Walkman (with one cassette); or one single-purpose game, and so on. Each week I’d have to choose, and I never knew what to pick. Nothing would hold my interest for an hour. I wasn’t much of a reader at the time, and you can only imagine the story of a lone soldier/robot stranded in a Chevy Celebrity-shaped wasteland so many times before it starts to get monotonous. I got pretty familiar with the scenery along that one stretch of highway, let me tell you.

Of course, all that changed when I got the Game Boy. Sure, I could only bring one game at a time with me, but the games often had enough depth to them so that an hour would pass like mere minutes. What else could compete with that? I’d play the whole car-ride. Then I’d play the entire time I was stuck at grandma and grandpa’s. Then I’d play the whole way home (assuming there was enough light).

The Game Boy was a boon to kids like myself. But it wasn’t just car rides and doctor’s appointments, oh no. It was everywhere. The Game Boy rapidly became the mortar that filled the cracks in my life. You can’t play with the NES in the bathroom, or when your parents wanted to use the TV, or late at night when you should be asleep. But you can work in a few rounds of Tetris in all of those situations. I received the Game Boy for Christmas in 1989 (thank you K-mart layaway!); I wasn’t allowed to play Nintendo on Christmas Day – but the Game Boy was fair game. That first day, I must have played the thing for ten hours straight through.

To me, nothing was more immersive, nothing could even come close. It wasn’t until about two years later, when I discovered cheap paperback fantasy and science fiction novels, that I finally was able to get out of that obsessive relationship. And I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

But, as influential as that little beige box was, it seems so anachronistic now, doesn’t it? Even its descendants look a little out of place in this day and age. Once, stranded in Oakland, waiting for my car to get fixed after breaking down on the freeway, I spied a kid playing a red Game Boy Advance SP at the auto repair place. And I thought, well that’s strange. It looked… odd, somehow. That’s because, however far the Game Boy’s shadow was cast, in terms of portable entertainment it’s been eclipsed by the 2nd great revolution in portable electronic entertainment: the mobile phone.

It may not happen for a long while yet, but the thing that will eventually kill the portable game system concept will be the rise of mobile general purpose computing. Because the mobile space is completely different from the home-based paradigm. It’s not unreasonable to have a computer, a game console, and a video player all occupying the same household. We’ve got the room for that stuff, usually, and there’s a whole host of specialized furniture for storing it all in the most efficient way possible. But, when you leave the house, if you want to hedge your entertainment bets, you might bring your MP3 player, your portable game system, your ebook reader, and your phone with you. That’s several expensive gadgets that all way you down, and make you worry about loss and theft. (Also, this recession isn’t bothering you much isn’t, Mr. Gadget guy!)

The Game Boy then is not so much of a starting point as it is an apex. It represents a time when one portable electronic gadget was all one could be expected to take, and sufficient to combat boredom. That its progeny are still going strong twenty years later is less a testament to its greatness (though it was really, really great) than it is an indication that – for all their bells and whistles – cell phones still do not have their shit together. Until they get it right, we’ll always have the Game Boy’s children to hold on to.

| April 25th, 2009 | by BCSilvia | Categories: Fandom, Games | Tags: | Trackback | No Comments »



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