Stephen Marche wrote a recent Esquire piece, wherein he posits (among other things) that the popularity of vampires in fiction is due to the fact that they are stand-ins for the gay men that young straight women want to have sex with.

After seeing a bunch of links to the piece, I was concerned that it was just one of the many responses to female fannishness that tends crop up every now and again. You know the ones I mean. They fall into two basic categories: The Incredulous (Why do women like this shitty, terrible thing?), and the Superior (Don’t worry, I know why women like this shitty, terrible thing).

But actually, though many find it almost irresistible to drag Marche’s piece to the Pillory of Snark (including myself, apparently), I have to admit it kind of made some points here and there. It’s not at all perfect (first draft?), but maybe there’s some value to be found.

At least near the beginning he was doing okay. Yes, it’s true that vampires in fiction are often metaphors for whatever social or sexual anxieties their authors (and their audiences) were dealing with at the time. And at the end Marche is making the case for hope: In the current explosion of vampire fiction he sees a group, once thought of as freaky monsters, starting to become accepted by a wider culture. Our acceptance of vampires, he claims, is a prelude to, or a parallel of, our acceptance of diverse sexual practices and orientations. And you know, I kind of hope he’s right about that. I just don’t think that he quite makes the case here. It could all just be a coincidence.

I don’t think it was a particularly good idea to include that bit suggesting that teenage girls lust after gay guys because they’re hot, but not risky. For one thing, who knows what teenage girls think? (Why there always seems to be a guy around who thinks he’s got the inside track on the teenage female mentality, I’ll never know.) But, for another thing, I just don’t see how this supports the conclusion Marche reaches in the end.

Are we supposed to feel hopeful about the idea of awkward teenage girls pinning their fantasies on unattainable gay males, as if they are the font from which all tolerance flows? If it means that those girls will eventually take their future boyfriends and husbands to the theater to see vampire movies, and that exposure somehow translates into gay acceptance, then maybe. But, somehow I think that grudging acquiescence, or an obligation to please one’s girlfriend will gain you much. That might sell more books and movie tickets, but it might also lead to quite a few more awkward, contentious moments between actual, real people, with tender, hurtable feelings. Um, yay? (But, perhaps this is where acceptance comes from? I don’t know.)

On the other hand, writing about that stuff was brilliant, because he sure got a lot of links, didn’t he?