io9 has published a gift guide for sci-fi fans, and it’s not bad, I suppose. In fact, I guess it could be quite useful. It’s easy to assume that (even non-sci-fi) fans aren’t all that difficult to shop for—hey, at least you know what they’re interested in, right? But it’s not always that simple.

I have a loved-one who is a Twilight fanatic. Knowing that, I might unwisely assume that I could buy any old widget with the title written on it, put a bow on it, and boom–I win Christmas. But no, it’s more complicated than that. For one thing, there’s a lot of useless tat out there that nobody would want as a gift, Twilight branded or not. Also, I’m not entirely sure which masculinity-threatening boy-monster it is that she’s into at the moment, and heaven help me if I were to get her something with the wrong one’s picture on it.

Never mind the fact that everyone she knows is going to be giving her Twi-stuff this year. And, by the way, that’s going to make for an embarrassing Christmas morning: “Oh, a Twilight shirt. And poster. And key-ring. And folders. And calendar. And—holy shit, I do have other interests, you know! Why must you always focus on the most obvious thing about me?”

Anyway, it turns out the thing she really wants is a new computer. (I can’t afford that, though. Looks like it’s a giftcard sort of year. Also, I personally don’t like Twilight and looking at page after page of Twi-junk would give me lethal indigestion, probably.)

Another thing to remember is that fans have wildly different feelings about merchandise. Someone who’s crazy for it probably has a lot of merch already, and you risk adding duplicates to their collections if you plan on giving them something related to their interests. Worse yet, the really unique stuff can get expensive.

Then again, some fans can get a little uncomfortable with the idea of collecting merchandise. I know of a few Doctor Who and Star Trek fans, for example, who would be quite embarrassed to receive a twenty-foot scarf, say, or a t-shirt with a giant picture of Mr. Spock on the front. To some fans, the lack of such physical relics is what separates a healthy interest from sad bastardhood. (Don’t look at me—I’ve got a sonic screwdriver pen and a TARDIS money-box, for god’s sake, and I’m normal….)

The gift issue problem can be compounded if you’re dealing with the sort of person who thinks that gift-giving is a test. How well do you know me? they seem to ask. (I’m not going to get into it here, because you can websearch for the phrase “passive-aggressive” all on your own, and spend from now until the crack of doom reading all the relevant hits.) The trick of course is to give the fan in your life something that’s non-obvious, but greatly appreciated.

Also, could you solve the problem of world hunger and global warming while you’re at it?