Actually stayed up to watch the latest chapter in what so many writers have referred to as the “talkshow wars”. Man, that Late Shift book/movie really stuck with some people, eh? Never mind — on with the judging.

Cold Open:

Okay, there’s Conan and Jimmy, playing out a sketch in a dressing-room. Not that funny; there’s a definite SNL vibe, going on here. One thing I’ve learned tonight is that Conan O’Brien has no idea how to use a tape-gun.

Title Sequence:

Pretty plain. Late Night host running? Not much to write about, here.

Monologue:

So, we’ve got the return of the late-night talkshow curtains. Sweet. But, I have to ask, after Jimmy came through the curtains, what the hell was he chewing? Phantom gum?

There was a little, sincere moment at the top. I’m not sure if Jimmy really can pull off sincere. Hopefully his utter failure a film actor has given him the humility that a talkshow host really needs to distinguish himself from the crowd.

I don’t know if this show uses cue-cards or a teleprompter, but man, Jimmy’s got a six-foot-wide-of-the-camera gaze going on, here. Seriously, what is this — amateur night? No, it’s just more of the SNL carry-over.

Okay, “slow-jamming the news” wasn’t so bad. I’m glad that the Roots get to show off so early in the show. I was worried that their talent would be wasted.

1st Segment:

“Target Demographic: Blonde Mothers”:  I wonder if they’re going to do the “Target Demographic” bit on every show. This first one’s not a hit, and this whole conceit could get old quick. Also, it’s so tame.

2nd Segment:

“Lick it for Ten”: Oh…kay. I do like the Price Is Right-inspired product descriptions, but this segment ate up a lot of time for the sake of a pretty weak premise. I didn’t necessarily expect that the new Late Night would push the envelope at all in the first couple of episodes, but c’mon, they’ve got to do better than this.

3rd Segment:

Interview: Robert DeNiro: Well, he got the ass-kissing out of the way pretty quickly, and then the interview turned into a bit. Getting a little meta, there… Jimmy’s did all the talking. It was kind of a mess, frankly. The banter here is clunky and awkward. Actually, it’s painful. Fallon’s not exactly being charming; he seems to be reaching for some of the Conan self-deprecating vibe, but it’s not quite working.

4th Segment:

DeNiro Interview, continued: “Space Train”. Did somebody tell DeNiro that this was just a Saturday Night Live sketch? Is that why he’s on the show? Again, another bit where it was a whole lot of reach for very little effect. And just like that, it’s over! That was short.

5th Segment:

Wow! DeNiro is staying on the couch for the Justin Timberlake interview! On Conan’s Late Night, guests usually disappeared between commercial breaks. Actually, DeNiro, Timberlake… Lorne Michaels is calling in some favors, obviously. The redux of the Barry Gibb talkshow was unnecessary, I thought.

Apparently, Timberlake has a gameshow on MTV based on the movie Eagle Eye. Also, a wickedly bad John Mayer impression. The Michael Macdonald impression was better, but less culturally relevant. Between this bit and all the references to the man on 30 Rock, I’m beginning to think that Macdonald is spending part of his vast fortune to “product place” himself throughot NBC’s lineup.

6th Segment:

Van Morrison performs. Someday, I’d like to find out what language he’s singing in. Actually, I had gotten the impression that he doesn’t go out much and perform these days, so this might be some kind of coup. Hugs all around when it’s over. Morrison seemed a little taken aback by the incredible hugging power of Robert DeNiro.

Stay tuned for Carson Daly? Is that still on?

Conclusion:

Way, way too early to say. If NBC is committed to the show (hey, who thought 30 Rock would stick around as long as it did? And they haven’t canceled Heros, yet…) and its host, Fallon could have years to get better at this gig. I’ve heard a lot of prophesies of doom regarding the fate of the revamped Late Night, most of which highlighted the notion that Jimmy Fallon is just plain unlikable. So, he’s got quite a ways to go, in that regard. But it might all be unnecessary. I don’t care if he’s likable — I just care if he’s funny.