The day after Thanksgiving is a grand tradition in the United States, one in which American retailers offer tremendous discounts; a sacrifice they make in order to guarantee that the next four weeks of competitive shopping will make up for the lousy 48 weeks that preceded them. The word “black” in this case actually means “profit,” which actually refers to “retailers’ profits.” So as you can see, it is indeed a customer-focused holiday.
Like any grand tradition, one should not expect a successful celebration if one is completely unprepared. Thus, we present a few handy Black Friday tips:
- Wake up very, very early.
- That means it would probably be a good idea to go to bed early on Thursday.
- Also, don’t drink too much.
- Wait, what time is it now?
- 10 o’clock? What?
- Oh no–
- SHIT!
- SHIT SHIT SHIT!
- Fuck it, I’m going back to bed.
Well, we’ll try it again next year!
